preveo ChatGPT 4o

- I’m agent of my creation
Says a conscience of wet stuff;
- My goal’s not procreation
As he drowns in her muff.

Egoistic drive caused the suffering and success,
Its cost though undervalued.
What can one construct his personality on,
Anyway?

It is dissolving away lately,
Far too quickly for my taste.
Faced with the fait accompli,
Will I turn boring, and chaste?

Life’s pulse mayn’t need a hull,
The lineage, the gender, the caste.
I am becoming a raging bull,
Unconscious, determined, a steak.

My compulsions have surpassed mere survival instinct and basic evolutionary heuristics. I am now hooked on higher level bullshit, keeping me from seeing things clearly and any kind of concentrated, purposeful action. These daily inter/actions may even seem useful, good; I know they are not, for they are only a way to deplete the day’s time. That way I don’t think about it, and so I don’t do anything about it. My brain chooses to be in autopilot mode, as has it been for more than 3 years now. What do?

Sometimes things don’t go as planned. Sometimes claims, a thousand times tested, a thousand times confirmed true, turn out to not be that in the slightest.

When engaging in something difficult, to be successful you need to be skilled, and you need to make good decisions. For help, you turn to people who are successful, ie. they are skilled and they make good decisions. They give you advice. You employ advice, but you fail nevertheless. Why?

I’ve been trying different types of meditation for a few years now. I started with a really basic technique I read somewhere, where I would just focus on breathing for a preset time interval; in beginning even 10 minutes was too much, later I settled on 20. I wasn’t very dilligent though, and later I substituted it with much more frequent, but worse in basically every other metric, cigarette breaks. May sound funny, but the whole experience of lighting a cigarette and taking the first smoke is one of the fastest induction methods to a semi-relaxed/meditative state that I know.